I forgot to mention another person who was massively helpful in the aftermath of my book Waterloo… Adam Grant. The guy who literally wrote the book on generosity genuinely practices what he preaches.
My first thought was, I’m so happy for you, Dan. The book is likely way better than the feedback. Small corrections, maybe. However, the way you speak is beyond helpful, kind, inclusive and straight to the fucking point. That is exactly what I would want to read(likely every listener of yours as well!)
Replying to your comment, Jacqueline: I was looking for someone who already said they had nobody:( I’m sorry that you too, go through this alone. You matter.
I was so happy for Dan, then came my second thought: I have, not one, single person in my life, only my 4 kids, who don’t deserve to be bothered or ladened with ANY of my mental health HELL. I can’t imagine how they’d feel to know I suffer. So, I shove it down and feel happiness for others. People I “see” like Dan, Cara or Jeff, Patti Smith, HCR, Joanne Freeman or Aaron Parnas…what the hell, am I writing a book? Sorry :/ Shows the hell of agoraphobia and loneliness I suppose:/ I’d write a book in a heartbeat if I had support.
Dan, you are a very special human being, and have helped more souls than you know. Keep doing what you’re doing, never give up.
Exactly, Jacqueline. When I had a problem several years ago, my "friends" gave me some canned advice, rendered their own strong opinions both about the instigator of the situation and my response to it, and then ran for the hills. This was during covid--a double blow of isolation. Few of them remain in my life. The new group is better, but still mostly interested in having a good time and not in being supportive. My daughter is experiencing the same thing right now. Thank God my family is reliable and kind, unlike those of so many people.
Thank you for sharing this experience about your book. It makes me want to read it even more when it does come out! Your example of not worrying alone paints a picture and means even more coming from a role model.
Thanks for sharing so transparently, Dan - I look forward to reading your book whenever you feel it’s ready. Your podcast and content generally help me keep things in perspective and balanced. Thank you again for everything you do.
(And sending loving kindness to those in this thread who don’t yet have someone to worry with. I hope it gets better).
Hi Dan, I interviewed you years back on 10 percent Happier, which was a great book.
And great advice! I’d love to read the new manuscript if you’d be so kind.
The love of my life, super talented, super fun husband and business partner died suddenly which started a cascade of grief and loss. Among which I have learned some incredibly painful & challenging but incredibly good lessons.
Kris, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. My husband died in 2012, when he was 49. It helped me to write a Facebook blog about it. I've encountered so many others going through this very sort of loss. I hope you've found support on the Internet and that no one has asked if you are "over it" yet. Hugs.
Every time in my life that I have sought support in similar moments that felt like a setback, I have come to regret telling anyone about it. The only person I can ever tell anything without some kind of rebuke is my father.
Even something as basic as meeting new people after moving to a new part of my country nearly ten years ago turned sour. I moved because I had been laid off and unable to find work for over a year and had to take refuge with relatives because I was broke. If I had said that I moved for a change of scenery no one would have questioned me, but I said I moved because I was out of work and struggling, and everyone had an opinion to offer--even people I had just met and barely knew. One person turned it into what is now a nearly decade-long campaign to suggest that my "social situation" (that is, I am single) is the reason why I suck. I just "walked away" from that and didn't look back.
I've come to the point of not caring one iota what others think when I am worried (or similarly concerned about some situation in my life).
Sure, when I have a professional issue I might ask a couple of trusted people if they have encountered a similar situation and how they dealt with it--my father, a sibling, but rarely others--but I have spent more than half a century on this earth being reminded that I simply cannot trust anyone else. I have to trust myself in the end, and I have to see my way through any crisis.
Meditation has been the thing that helps me banish the doubts, the lingering questions, and has let me learn to trust myself. It has helped connect me to understand that when I am rejected, so what, I need to be supportive of myself. It has helped me realize that no one can decide for me; only I can.
I will stick to "worrying" alone because there have been no other circumstances, for as long as I can remember, that have been safe for me.
You’re genuinely one of my favorite people whom I have wished to know. I’m grateful that you are so open with your emotions. As a rehabilitating people pleaser, your honesty has helped me see that life’s too short to keep allowing other people determine how I should feel and what and with whom I share about my needs and experiences.
Dan, Sweetie! My first response was, I’m so sorry you went through this devastating experience! Nothing but compassion. Then as I read on, my feelings turned to admiration for the ways you are putting your years of practice into action. The rubber has hit the road for you again—as it will for all of us, again and again—and this time you’re doing all the things you and your guests have been teaching us to do! Your courage and generosity in opening up this very personal struggle is such a huge gift to us.
THANK YOU! Your book will be better for going through this crucible, which you can now integrate into the revision! Just endless metta to you.
Everything you have done: your books, podcast, and this sub stack is so authentic, relatable, and brave. I have and am currently going through some similar challenges- and the shame and blame in my head is exhausting. I originally started watching and enjoying Good Morning America because of your sarcastic sense of humor and your personality . When you bravely left and started your journey with 10% happier I began a new enlightenment to that world of psychology and human experience. It has been most helpful in me not feeling alone for the first time. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing all your experiences and I thoroughly enjoy the work that you share.
Dan, my eyes teared up in recognition of how this must have felt, both the pain of this experience and the love and compassion from your supportive friends and family. Thanks for sharing this real life story and making such a powerful point about not suffering alone. I’ve also written and published some, in nursing journals, and indeed the process of peer review can feel painful and even personal (if I let it be). Even more with this “baby” of yours. You are giving birth to something that is uniquely yours to share with others. It doesn’t feel good if people don’t like your baby! I know you have great things to give and am looking forward to reading your next book, whenever it is polished and ready!
There’s a line in a song I heard that I keep referring back to ….. “This is not a breakdown. It’s a break through” From Andrew Ripp’s song/ Breakdown. Your books have helped me with my anxiety. I can’t wait for your next book🩵
I really appreciate your transparency. I always assume everyone else is the expert. People who play at a certain level have something I don’t. Buddhism and our meditation practice ask us to ponder and respect our shared humanity (tonglen - just like me, that person wants to be happy) to relieve our own suffering for the benefit of all beings.
Our world does not. It’s one curated platform after another. It’s AI - who knows what’s real?
When I see that you can get through hard things, it helps me believe that maybe I can too.
I have read a great many books that should have had this kind of review before publication and did not. Congratulations for looking for feedback from several people before publishing. It seems that many books have no editing at all, and as a result, there are a lot of pretty bad books out there.
Your vulnerability in sharing this is what makes you relatable. It’s what makes people want to read what you have to say. With sharing this and openly receiving support, you’re likely on a journey to publish a book that reaches even more people than you can now imagine. Especially with Adam Grant on your team and his approach to giving feedback!
I forgot to mention another person who was massively helpful in the aftermath of my book Waterloo… Adam Grant. The guy who literally wrote the book on generosity genuinely practices what he preaches.
Adam Grant is a super hero in my mind.
One thing I've learned is that worrying alone rarely leaves the problem alone. It usually recruits a story.
Silence becomes rejection.
Uncertainty becomes failure.
Delay becomes, "I must have done something wrong."
The people I've reached out to over the past couple of years haven't usually solved the problem.
They've helped me make contact with reality before the story took over.
That has been worth far more than advice.
The problem for many is there are few, if any people to reach out to.
I thought so too for a long time. Also had a lot of wrong people on the list. I found mine in the few.
My first thought was, I’m so happy for you, Dan. The book is likely way better than the feedback. Small corrections, maybe. However, the way you speak is beyond helpful, kind, inclusive and straight to the fucking point. That is exactly what I would want to read(likely every listener of yours as well!)
Replying to your comment, Jacqueline: I was looking for someone who already said they had nobody:( I’m sorry that you too, go through this alone. You matter.
I was so happy for Dan, then came my second thought: I have, not one, single person in my life, only my 4 kids, who don’t deserve to be bothered or ladened with ANY of my mental health HELL. I can’t imagine how they’d feel to know I suffer. So, I shove it down and feel happiness for others. People I “see” like Dan, Cara or Jeff, Patti Smith, HCR, Joanne Freeman or Aaron Parnas…what the hell, am I writing a book? Sorry :/ Shows the hell of agoraphobia and loneliness I suppose:/ I’d write a book in a heartbeat if I had support.
Dan, you are a very special human being, and have helped more souls than you know. Keep doing what you’re doing, never give up.
Exactly, Jacqueline. When I had a problem several years ago, my "friends" gave me some canned advice, rendered their own strong opinions both about the instigator of the situation and my response to it, and then ran for the hills. This was during covid--a double blow of isolation. Few of them remain in my life. The new group is better, but still mostly interested in having a good time and not in being supportive. My daughter is experiencing the same thing right now. Thank God my family is reliable and kind, unlike those of so many people.
Thank you for sharing this experience about your book. It makes me want to read it even more when it does come out! Your example of not worrying alone paints a picture and means even more coming from a role model.
Thanks for sharing so transparently, Dan - I look forward to reading your book whenever you feel it’s ready. Your podcast and content generally help me keep things in perspective and balanced. Thank you again for everything you do.
(And sending loving kindness to those in this thread who don’t yet have someone to worry with. I hope it gets better).
Hi Dan, I interviewed you years back on 10 percent Happier, which was a great book.
And great advice! I’d love to read the new manuscript if you’d be so kind.
The love of my life, super talented, super fun husband and business partner died suddenly which started a cascade of grief and loss. Among which I have learned some incredibly painful & challenging but incredibly good lessons.
I value people and time now over everything else.
Kris, I am so deeply sorry for your loss. My husband died in 2012, when he was 49. It helped me to write a Facebook blog about it. I've encountered so many others going through this very sort of loss. I hope you've found support on the Internet and that no one has asked if you are "over it" yet. Hugs.
Every time in my life that I have sought support in similar moments that felt like a setback, I have come to regret telling anyone about it. The only person I can ever tell anything without some kind of rebuke is my father.
Even something as basic as meeting new people after moving to a new part of my country nearly ten years ago turned sour. I moved because I had been laid off and unable to find work for over a year and had to take refuge with relatives because I was broke. If I had said that I moved for a change of scenery no one would have questioned me, but I said I moved because I was out of work and struggling, and everyone had an opinion to offer--even people I had just met and barely knew. One person turned it into what is now a nearly decade-long campaign to suggest that my "social situation" (that is, I am single) is the reason why I suck. I just "walked away" from that and didn't look back.
I've come to the point of not caring one iota what others think when I am worried (or similarly concerned about some situation in my life).
Sure, when I have a professional issue I might ask a couple of trusted people if they have encountered a similar situation and how they dealt with it--my father, a sibling, but rarely others--but I have spent more than half a century on this earth being reminded that I simply cannot trust anyone else. I have to trust myself in the end, and I have to see my way through any crisis.
Meditation has been the thing that helps me banish the doubts, the lingering questions, and has let me learn to trust myself. It has helped connect me to understand that when I am rejected, so what, I need to be supportive of myself. It has helped me realize that no one can decide for me; only I can.
I will stick to "worrying" alone because there have been no other circumstances, for as long as I can remember, that have been safe for me.
You’re genuinely one of my favorite people whom I have wished to know. I’m grateful that you are so open with your emotions. As a rehabilitating people pleaser, your honesty has helped me see that life’s too short to keep allowing other people determine how I should feel and what and with whom I share about my needs and experiences.
I hope that I made sense here. In short, thank you!
Dan, Sweetie! My first response was, I’m so sorry you went through this devastating experience! Nothing but compassion. Then as I read on, my feelings turned to admiration for the ways you are putting your years of practice into action. The rubber has hit the road for you again—as it will for all of us, again and again—and this time you’re doing all the things you and your guests have been teaching us to do! Your courage and generosity in opening up this very personal struggle is such a huge gift to us.
THANK YOU! Your book will be better for going through this crucible, which you can now integrate into the revision! Just endless metta to you.
Everything you have done: your books, podcast, and this sub stack is so authentic, relatable, and brave. I have and am currently going through some similar challenges- and the shame and blame in my head is exhausting. I originally started watching and enjoying Good Morning America because of your sarcastic sense of humor and your personality . When you bravely left and started your journey with 10% happier I began a new enlightenment to that world of psychology and human experience. It has been most helpful in me not feeling alone for the first time. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing all your experiences and I thoroughly enjoy the work that you share.
Dan, my eyes teared up in recognition of how this must have felt, both the pain of this experience and the love and compassion from your supportive friends and family. Thanks for sharing this real life story and making such a powerful point about not suffering alone. I’ve also written and published some, in nursing journals, and indeed the process of peer review can feel painful and even personal (if I let it be). Even more with this “baby” of yours. You are giving birth to something that is uniquely yours to share with others. It doesn’t feel good if people don’t like your baby! I know you have great things to give and am looking forward to reading your next book, whenever it is polished and ready!
There’s a line in a song I heard that I keep referring back to ….. “This is not a breakdown. It’s a break through” From Andrew Ripp’s song/ Breakdown. Your books have helped me with my anxiety. I can’t wait for your next book🩵
I really appreciate your transparency. I always assume everyone else is the expert. People who play at a certain level have something I don’t. Buddhism and our meditation practice ask us to ponder and respect our shared humanity (tonglen - just like me, that person wants to be happy) to relieve our own suffering for the benefit of all beings.
Our world does not. It’s one curated platform after another. It’s AI - who knows what’s real?
When I see that you can get through hard things, it helps me believe that maybe I can too.
I have read a great many books that should have had this kind of review before publication and did not. Congratulations for looking for feedback from several people before publishing. It seems that many books have no editing at all, and as a result, there are a lot of pretty bad books out there.
Your vulnerability in sharing this is what makes you relatable. It’s what makes people want to read what you have to say. With sharing this and openly receiving support, you’re likely on a journey to publish a book that reaches even more people than you can now imagine. Especially with Adam Grant on your team and his approach to giving feedback!
How about including everyone, where they are, with "How to worry alone."
Dude. The best growth always hurts a little (at least). Nice job.