Dan you have consistently shared vulnerably with the highs and lows of your life in such a relatable way. I have been a huge fan of yours for years because of your authenticity. You have helped me find my way forward along with so many others. Your speech will no doubt be memorable to all who listened to it and quite possibly change the trajectory of their lives and those around them by knowing this insight when they hit their speed bumps in life. So grateful there are humans like you especially during times like we are in. Thank you!! 💕
“Don’t waste your suffering” is the whole thing. Everything else is mechanism. What I’d add: the opportunity inside the setback is not always visible at the bottom, and telling people it’s there before they can see it is the one place this kind of advice tips into platitude.
What you did that most people don’t is you stayed in the discomfort long enough for the signal to appear. That’s not a mindset. That’s a practice. There’s a difference, and it matters.
The mindset/practice distinction is the most important line in this thread. In clinical work, I watch people get handed the insight before they're ready for it, "this is trying to teach you something" while they're still in the acute pain. It doesn't land. What actually works is what you named: enough support to stay present until the meaning makes itself known. You can't think your way to that. You have to sit with it long enough for it to speak.
So glad your 'escalator malfunctions' led you to your wonderful app and podcast. I meditate with the app every morning before I get out of bed.
I hope your vulnerabilty is one of the graduates' takeaways. It's so freeing, helps us recognize we're not alone/crazy, and encourages real connection.
Vulnerability from the front of the room changes everything in the room. As a physician, I've watched patients open up in ways they never would have if I hadn't gone first. Dan's willingness to name his own mess isn't just courageous. It's clinical. It gives everyone else permission.
Absolutely superb commencement address. Thank you for sharing your hard-earned wisdom with the rest of your fellow human sufferers. You are truly making a positive difference in the world.
Respectfully, I disagree with Barbara Walters. I have recommended your 10% Happier book and podcast many times to my students. (Please keep writing, Dan!)
Vulnerable, honest, and funny - three reasons this speech will remain memorable and significant. 21 year olds may not quite get "don't waste your suffering" - yet, but they will get there with gratitude. You have provided a wonderful roadmap, Dan, and I thank you for ALL you do (as I place my hand on my heart).
So well done Dan. I read a lot of these commencement addresses, and teach at a university so attend some as well. This is real advice for personal struggle, growth, and development, for real humans living in these particular times. It’s especially refreshing set against a current backdrop of invitations to our graduates to go out and change the world. Encouraging young adults to attend to their inner world is critical, and sets them up far better to be able to make contributions, coming from a healthier place of self- acceptance, and yes, maybe even love.
I think you made a great speech, and I imagine it was valuable to a lot of the graduates. There were many in the crowd who were not feeling great that day and what makes it harder is that you are "supposed" to feel great on your graduation day. You made those who were suffering breathe a little easier that day and that is a wonderful contribution to the world. Thank you for sharing the speech here so I could benefit as well.
I didn’t realize you got the 360 results with cameras running—yikes! I’ve done it, and it is useful and/but difficult. That’s a great talk for graduates prone to believe in escalators!
Dude, congratulation on achieving a boring-no drama- life! It really is quite wonderful (no one EVER told us THIS was the goal) and so glad to be a part of your tribe.
With that, I am your fellow "love the drugs during a colonoscopy",
Totally needed that graduation speech (you know, not because I'm graduating, just because!)
I evidently need to hear this idea of talking to oneself kindly, over and over again. Even with the key, I'll treat others with the same kindness if I can do it for myself. A hard message for me to get into my cellular tissue. I default to the idea that a swift kick in the tush is what's needed to get me doing what I need to do, as though anything I'm not great at could be fixed with some stern self-scolding. Doesn't work, and I need reminders that it doesn't work.
Thanks for sharing Dan! This is one of the best things I've read in a while.
The Escalator Myth in particular is something I've been living through without having the language for it. And "don't waste your suffering" is an extremely useful reframe. Both very relevant to a lot of what I've lived and which I am attempting to draw from in my own writing.
Great to connect and looking forward to reading more!
Dan you have consistently shared vulnerably with the highs and lows of your life in such a relatable way. I have been a huge fan of yours for years because of your authenticity. You have helped me find my way forward along with so many others. Your speech will no doubt be memorable to all who listened to it and quite possibly change the trajectory of their lives and those around them by knowing this insight when they hit their speed bumps in life. So grateful there are humans like you especially during times like we are in. Thank you!! 💕
You said it much better than I could.
“Don’t waste your suffering” is the whole thing. Everything else is mechanism. What I’d add: the opportunity inside the setback is not always visible at the bottom, and telling people it’s there before they can see it is the one place this kind of advice tips into platitude.
What you did that most people don’t is you stayed in the discomfort long enough for the signal to appear. That’s not a mindset. That’s a practice. There’s a difference, and it matters.
Johan 🐌🐌
The mindset/practice distinction is the most important line in this thread. In clinical work, I watch people get handed the insight before they're ready for it, "this is trying to teach you something" while they're still in the acute pain. It doesn't land. What actually works is what you named: enough support to stay present until the meaning makes itself known. You can't think your way to that. You have to sit with it long enough for it to speak.
So glad your 'escalator malfunctions' led you to your wonderful app and podcast. I meditate with the app every morning before I get out of bed.
I hope your vulnerabilty is one of the graduates' takeaways. It's so freeing, helps us recognize we're not alone/crazy, and encourages real connection.
Vulnerability from the front of the room changes everything in the room. As a physician, I've watched patients open up in ways they never would have if I hadn't gone first. Dan's willingness to name his own mess isn't just courageous. It's clinical. It gives everyone else permission.
Absolutely superb commencement address. Thank you for sharing your hard-earned wisdom with the rest of your fellow human sufferers. You are truly making a positive difference in the world.
Thank you, Dan.
Respectfully, I disagree with Barbara Walters. I have recommended your 10% Happier book and podcast many times to my students. (Please keep writing, Dan!)
I loved this, made me cry. You have helped me in so many ways. I too was a selfish jerk, to myself and others. Now a work in progress. Thank you Dan!
Truly amazing Dan. Those kids were given a great gift. Thank you for sharing it with us. ♥️
Vulnerable, honest, and funny - three reasons this speech will remain memorable and significant. 21 year olds may not quite get "don't waste your suffering" - yet, but they will get there with gratitude. You have provided a wonderful roadmap, Dan, and I thank you for ALL you do (as I place my hand on my heart).
Very good. Good message for kids to hear in these uncertain times
So well done Dan. I read a lot of these commencement addresses, and teach at a university so attend some as well. This is real advice for personal struggle, growth, and development, for real humans living in these particular times. It’s especially refreshing set against a current backdrop of invitations to our graduates to go out and change the world. Encouraging young adults to attend to their inner world is critical, and sets them up far better to be able to make contributions, coming from a healthier place of self- acceptance, and yes, maybe even love.
I think you made a great speech, and I imagine it was valuable to a lot of the graduates. There were many in the crowd who were not feeling great that day and what makes it harder is that you are "supposed" to feel great on your graduation day. You made those who were suffering breathe a little easier that day and that is a wonderful contribution to the world. Thank you for sharing the speech here so I could benefit as well.
Dan this is wonderful. So vulnerable and relatable. You sharing your darker times and struggle with the inner critic has been so beneficial to me.
I didn’t realize you got the 360 results with cameras running—yikes! I’ve done it, and it is useful and/but difficult. That’s a great talk for graduates prone to believe in escalators!
Dude, congratulation on achieving a boring-no drama- life! It really is quite wonderful (no one EVER told us THIS was the goal) and so glad to be a part of your tribe.
With that, I am your fellow "love the drugs during a colonoscopy",
Mambo
Totally needed that graduation speech (you know, not because I'm graduating, just because!)
I evidently need to hear this idea of talking to oneself kindly, over and over again. Even with the key, I'll treat others with the same kindness if I can do it for myself. A hard message for me to get into my cellular tissue. I default to the idea that a swift kick in the tush is what's needed to get me doing what I need to do, as though anything I'm not great at could be fixed with some stern self-scolding. Doesn't work, and I need reminders that it doesn't work.
Thanks for sharing Dan! This is one of the best things I've read in a while.
The Escalator Myth in particular is something I've been living through without having the language for it. And "don't waste your suffering" is an extremely useful reframe. Both very relevant to a lot of what I've lived and which I am attempting to draw from in my own writing.
Great to connect and looking forward to reading more!